Hanging by a moment
by Kelsh24
Summary: What if Shay had that baby she so desperately wanted with Kelly? Her sudden and tragic death leaves him to raise it on his own. How is he coping with being a full time father? Is he just crumbling under the pressure? A unique opportunity leads him to someone that can change his life. Will he give himself a chance at a once in a lifetime love? Set from episode 5x08 on.
1. Only Hope

Summary: What if Shay had that baby she so desperately wanted with Kelly? Her sudden and tragic death leaves him to raise it on his own. How is he coping with being a full time father? Is he just crumbling under the pressure? A unique opportunity leads him to someone that can change his life. Can he let anyone in his life long enough give his daughter a mother once again? And give himself a chance at a once in a lifetime love? Set from episode 5x08 on.

Chapter 1: Only Hope

There's nothing in this life that can prepare you for the pain and suffering that will come your way. Someone once said, that time heals all wounds. I bet that person never lost anything they cared about. The day I lost my best friend, in some way I lost myself. Leslie Shay was the best person I had ever known. She was strong, spunky, honest, and had the biggest heart of anybody I've ever known. Most of all...she put up with me day in and day out. The more I've thought about everything I put her through, I don't know why she did. No one will ever quite understand the love I had for that girl. In my eyes, she could do no wrong...even when I didn't agree with her choices. I watched her go through a lot of highs and lows. I saw the pain she had when her heart was broken. That's why when she fell apart and decided she needed a purpose in her life...I agreed to help her.

In a lot of ways, I needed the exact same thing. I've nearly derailed my life more than once and I'm not proud of it. I don't always think before I leap and the outcome isn't always great. Helping my friend reach her dream of becoming a mother was exactly what I needed. And in doing so, I realized how much I wanted to be a father. Shay never stopped teaching me what being a family meant. I think my dysfunctional one made me unsure of what one truly looked like. Then she came into our life, Elizabeth Kelly Shay - Severide. The day she was born...my life suddenly had a purpose I never knew I needed. I had this instant family with my best friend, and for the first time I felt complete and content.

Lizzie is the spitting image of her mother. She has her beautiful eyes and infectious smile, with my dark brown hair. I never thought it was possible to love somebody so much. After Shay died, I struggled a lot. I didn't know how to live my own life without her, never mind raise a daughter. I've made a lot of mistakes since then. I've spent days being reckless and selfish in the wake of the pain I've gone through. I haven't been the man or father I know Shay wanted me to be. But this was all her, she knew what she was doing. Thankfully, I have people to help me when I fall. My family at 51 has been there every single day. The days following Shay's death, I couldn't even go home to my daughter. Looking into her eyes caused too much pain. So, thankfully for Dawson, Casey, Hermann, Boden...everybody, she was taken care of.

For the past three years, I've tried to live my life better. But too many times I've fallen short. Lately I've looking for something to make my life worthwhile. Plenty of people can say being a parent does that. Some days that's true but others I'm left wondering. My personal life has struggled over the years and maybe it's time to change that. I don't like getting too close to anybody that could possibly impact my daughter's life. So I never let anybody in.

So, when Clarke came to me and asked for my help...I knew in my heart that's exactly what I've been looking for. There's probably a million different thoughts that crossed my mind when Clarke first propositioned me. Do I have the time? Do I care enough? I didn't know this person...why help? Well, that part is easy. Helping people is in my blood. No matter the risk...I will do whatever I can to save a life. My own life has been a bit of a mess lately. Okay, that's probably an understatement. But it's the truth. I've been questioning myself more than ever before. Of where I'm heading and what kind of man I'm gonna be when I get there. Sometimes it scares me that I'm never gonna be the man I want to be and that is simply one person...not my father.

"You're here." Clarke said as I entered the hospital.

"I said I would be."

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to. You can always stay anonymous."

"No, if she wants to meet me...it's the least I can do."

"The least you can do? You're subjecting yourself to a painful procedure to save her life."

"You know what I mean."

"Okay, let's go."

Meeting Anna the first time, it felt like i'd known her forever. She has this amazing heart and soul...and fear that she might have a tomorrow. As much as she tries to be strong, I can hear the pain breaking through her words. And more than ever, I can't wait to help her get back to her life. Just in the few minutes I've been there, I feel this almost familiarity between us. And in some weird way after she receives my bone marrow, we'll be connected indefinitely. Her big blue eyes and infectious smile look up into mine. And something seems to change instantly. But i'm not even sure what it is.

"So, how long have you been a firefighter?" She asks suddenly.

"My entire life."

"Really?"

"I knew there was nothing else in this world I was meant to be. When I was younger, I wanted to run the other way...find something different to make out of my life. But I guess I always knew exactly where I belonged."

"That's a pretty great feeling to have, isn't it? I'm sure you've had to work hard to get to where you are."

"Yeah. When I first started out, I worked the hardest I could to be the best. I never wanted to question if I was anything less. At the time, I was the youngest person to ever make squad in Chicago. And that made me better."

"Then what?"

"My father. We don't necessarily have the greatest of relationships. And he always thought he was the greatest firefighter to ever serve. He always told me I'd never make it. I'd never be better than he was. Living up to that was the hardest thing I knew I'd ever have to do. But I had to prove I could be the best. And more than anything, I knew I had to do it without his help...and I did. It's cost me a lot to get to where I am, but I wouldn't trade a single second of it."

"And that's all that matters. That passion you feel when you talk about it...that's the most important thing that we ever do in this world."

"What about you? I hear you're a nurse. You must love helping people too."

"More than anything. It's in my blood. I'm a pediatric nurse and I love those kids so much. And sometimes it's really bad. But the days that aren't, the days I can make a difference in their life if only for a moment...makes me feel so worthwhile."

"That's exactly how I feel."

"And I have to tell you, I miss it more than anything. I just want to get back to my work."

"And I'm gonna help you get there...I promise." I tell her, and her smile lights up the room again. Even in the worst situation, you can tell her incredible soul has never wavered. And that's what makes everything I'm gonna risk worth it. I just want to see her live that life she's so proud of.


	2. Nothing Is Guaranteed

Chapter 2: Nothing is guaranteed

The past 24 hours feel like a blur. It doesn't seem real to me at all. I've spent a good portion of my life being reckless and selfish to be honest. But I'm really ready to take the next step to build a real life. Not just for me but for my daughter. That starts with me making some real changes in my life. That opportunity came when Clarke told me about Anna. At the time I didn't know how much I needed or wanted to help her. But then I met her, and everything changed instantly. She has this undeniable light when you talk to her. Even though her situation is really bad right now...her optimism is incredible. I don't think I'd ever be able to find that amount of strength if the roles were reversed. Maybe people are right...maybe donors and recipients shouldn't meet. Because even though I just met her...the idea of watching her die, is impossible. When Clarke told me she took a turn for the worst...something crumbled inside me. For just a little while, I felt like maybe something good was going to come out of her situation and mine.

As Clarke walked away from me, I felt myself reverting to that painful place I've tried so desperately to crawl out of. But in a matter of hours everything had changed. It went from me having this false sense of hope...to it being the end before it even began at all. I can't even tell you for sure what happened after that, nor do I really want to relive it all again. But the second I see Lindsay and Voight at my door, I knew things weren't going to get better anytime soon. When they told me to come with them, all I could do was shake my head no in pure confusion. And then that small voice behind me made me fear what was going to happen.

 _"Daddy?" Lizzie says suddenly, making me turn around to face her._

 _"Hey. Everything is fine, sweetheart. I just have to go out for a little while...I'm gonna call Uncle Matt to come by, okay?" I tell her, not even convincing myself everything is going to be alright. I turn back to face Voight and Lindsay, as Lizzie runs to the couch._

 _"Kelly, we have to go." Voight repeats._

 _"Erin...please, take care of Lizzie. Call Casey and Dawson...just make sure she's safe, okay."_

 _"Kelly, I got her. I promise." She tells me as I look back at my daughter one last time, grabbing my jacket and heading out the door with Voight behind me._

As the night progressed, things seemed to go from bad to worse. The more and more time I sat in the interrogation room, the more even I was convinced I was guilty. Not remembering the events of the night before, scared the hell out of me. I've had a lot of crazy nights in my lifetime, but this felt altogether different. It was like it wasn't even me. I had this entire blackout of the day before. Was I drugged? Was I still drunk? Did I kill that little girl? My mind kept on racing...unable to come up with the right conclusion. The more questions that got thrown at me, the bits and pieces came flooding back. But I still could not say for sure that I was innocent. The idea of me running away from an accident was absolutely insane. And that is the only piece of information I was able to hold on to. No matter what my state of mind has ever been, I've done my job. Off duty or not. I make the save when I see somebody in trouble. It's who I am. And the second I start doubting that...that's when I throw in the towel. That is the day they can lock me up and throw away the key. Because if I ever become that person...I will no longer serve this city. I will no longer be me. I will no longer exist.

The hours dragged on and a million thought ran through my mind. I thought about the important moments of my life. The ones that have already happened and the ones I am looking forward to one day. More than anything I spent the whole night thinking about Shay. I thought about how disappointed she'd be that I am constantly putting our daughter at risk. I'm sure in this moment she would have believed in me. She would have fought for me. But she's not here, so there is no point in thinking of the what ifs. It's just what is. I just kept thinking about Elizabeth and what if I went to prison. Where would that leave her? Without a mother and a father. I knew I needed to make these changes stick for real. Because for the first time in my life...I realized there was a reason why. When I saw Erin's face outside the gates of stateville, I felt this overwhelming sense of relief. After everything we've been through good, bad, or otherwise...she still fought for me. And that will not go unnoticed.

"Thank you for believing in me." I tell her, as we walk away from the gates.

"Always." She says, and those words strike me hard...thinking of Shay.

"Thank you for making sure Lizzie was alright too. I can't imagine what she must think."

"Kelly, she's three. She doesn't think anything. Just that her dad is coming home to her tonight."

"Dad? Yeah, right. I am a terrible father."

"Kelly, don't say that."

"Why not? It's true. I won't deny that. I have spiraled out of control and never honestly found my way back after Shay died. I've grown used to it...but I don't think I'll ever get over it."

"No one expects you to."

"I do. I have no idea how to do any of this. Shay was the one that wanted the baby. She was the one that knew how she was gonna raise her. She was always supposed to be there. And now, that poor little girl is...stuck with me."

"No one knows what kind of parent they're going to be until it happens to them. She didn't know any more than you do. She was just your guidance. You'll figure it out."

"It's been years now, and I've relied on everybody around me to raise her. I can't do that anymore. I need to give her the life she deserves. Maybe...even give her a mother one day."

"Wow...is Kelly Severide actually maturing?"

"Very funny. Everyone has to grow up sometime. I'm just sorry it took so long for me to figure that out."

"Hey, if you ever need anything..."

"Yeah, I know. Thank you."

Walking out of that precinct, I knew there was one thing that started this whole thing. The thoughts have haunted me this past day and there was one place I needed to go. There was one person I needed to see today. As I walked through the doors of Chicago Med, a million things ran through my mind. What if I was too late? What if I couldn't help? I've never thought about that before. The day that I couldn't help. The day I didn't know how to. I tried to remember the strength that Anna showed me even though she was suffering, was what I needed to have now. I barely knew her...but at the same time, I feel like I always have. That might be weird to say, but somehow I felt instantly connected. Maybe it's our perfectly matched bone marrow. Maybe it's not. But regardless, I just needed to know how she was.

"Hey, I was wondering if Anna Turner was doing any better today?" I ask the nurse at sitting at the nurse's station.

"And you are?"

"Kelly Severide. I'm her bone marrow donor, or at least I'm supposed to be."

"Oh right. There's no change. And she's not excepting any visitors today."

"Okay, sure. Can you just tell her I was her?"

"Of course."

If she dies, everything that I've tried to do will be for nothing. This change I've been looking for won't happen. And this really incredible soul won't get that second chance. Right now, there is nothing I can do. I can just hope for the best and see what happens. Regardless, I have to go home to my daughter and try to be a better father to her. Because she deserves that much from me. If the past few days have taught me anything, it's that tomorrow isn't guaranteed. The choices I make today can affect the rest of my life. Maybe I do make a difference sometimes. I just hope I get that chance with Anna.


	3. Never Been More Sure

**Chapter 3: Never been more sure**

I always wondered what people meant when they said god never gives you more than you can handle. Far too many times in my life, I've struggled to except my circumstances. It just seems like everything happens all at once. For just one moment I had this unwavering sense of hope. And then the next, everything changed. I guess I've thought about that every single day since Shay died. I will never understand why it had to be her. I will never forget what her face looked like the last time I saw her. Still and dark. That image has haunted me ever since. I remember walking out of that building that day, and world just seemed to stop suddenly. At least my world did. I wondered for so long why I couldn't save her. And I knew deep in my heart that she had died instantly...never feeling any pain. Nothing that I possibly did that day would have saved her. But for me, I felt like my soul had been ripped out. She was more than just my friend. She was my family. She was the only person I could ever rely on 100 percent of the time. When she was gone, there was no hope left for me. I can remember not being able to look at Elizabeth for three whole weeks after. Hermann had picked her up from the sitter that cold, dark day. Then between everybody at the house, they took care of her. They loved her. Even when I couldn't. Because every time I thought about seeing her face...I knew I'd be staring into Shay's. I couldn't handle that. And to be honest, there's some days I still can't.

I've fallen short a million times in my life before. But no one ever relied on me before. No one cared if I didn't come home for weeks at a time. If I slipped into this dark place, it didn't matter. I could go on my benders and hop on a plane out of town just to lose myself in the whirlwind of it. But suddenly every move I made mattered in her life. It's a scary thing...being a father. I thought I could handle it, when I thought Shay was going to be the one there every day of her life. Not that I didn't want to be, honestly I did. But when I first agreed to help Shay have the baby...it was for her to have a child, not me. It was for her to feel like she had this purpose. She didn't need or necessarily want me there 24 hours a day. And I knew if I needed time away she'd give that to me. She just wanted this child, my full time involvement was never really discussed. In that one moment, all that changed. And the more I think about it now, it wasn't that I couldn't be responsible. It's that I was scared to ever have anybody need me that much. That's why I spent so many days struggling to survive without her. I did rely on her to be my best friend every day...even when I didn't deserve it. I lost this light, guidance, and hope in my life.

As I'm laying in this hospital bed, just thankful that I didn't paralyze myself by jumping out that window, I can't help but think of that day. Because that's the day I lost hope in myself. Just a few hours ago I actually thought I was finally going to get a piece of that back. Anna was doing better, thankfully, and I'd get the chance to save her life. Then, I ran into that building and got myself trapped. I saw no way out...I didn't have minutes to spare. I had no choice, I had to repel out that window. I was conscious till I hit the ground and everything else is black. When I woke up, I saw Clarke and a few other doctors surrounding me. I knew I was in trouble. I didn't realize just how much until my tests came back and he gave me the bad news. I was no longer eligible to donate because of my injuries. By the time I would recover...Anna would be dead. The guilt in my stomach and my heart was overwhelming.

I was supposed to be the one to save her. I wanted her to have that second chance. She is the one that deserved to be okay. I had to see her. I had to tell her how sorry I was..how much I cared. As she went on about how I'm already a hero...my heart broke even more. This selfless, amazing woman wasn't going to get to live because of me. I've been a firefighter since I was 18 years old. I risked everything from day one and didn't give a damn about the consequences. I just had to make the save...I needed to save those lives. I quickly realized that you can't save everybody. Some live...some don't. It's a harsh reality but it's the nature of the job. No matter how hard you fight for it..things don't always turn out the way you hope. But this one time, I just wanted to make the difference. I wanted to do this selfless act, after living so unbelievably selfish most of my life. This was the thing I needed to change my life once and for all. But in one moment, it was all gone. As I looked into Anna's beautiful kind blue eyes, I couldn't hold back my emotions. I'm not one for showing my feelings, with good reason. But the connection I had with this woman, after only knowing her a few days, was undeniable. I feel like I've known her forever. I feel like her story can't be over. She has so much to give the world, and I just don't get why life is so unfair. Her acceptance of her circumstances is noble to say the least. She knows what's coming next. She knows this is the end of her road. And whatever comes next...she will be okay. In that moment, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I let the tears stream down my face, as they welled up in her eyes as well. Whatever could have been for her...for me, was never going to be.

"Kelly...don't." Anna said to me, as the tears rolled down my face. "You did everything you could...It's just over."

"It shouldn't be. You deserve better."

"That's not your choice to make. And I'll tell you...I think I've made my mark on this world. I've been a nurse for over 10 years. I got to see kids live when the odds were stacked against them. I got to hold the hands of parents as their child took their last breath. It hasn't always been glamorous...but it mattered. And if I died tomorrow...or next week, next month. It will have been for something."

"How can you be so strong?"

"Sometimes you have to accept that there are some things in this life you can't control. I've fought for a long time...I'm tired. And if this is the end of the journey, then it is. There's nothing I can do to change that. I've loved...I've lost...I've made a difference. In my opinion, that's a life well lived."

"You know you remind me of my best friend."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, she was strong willed...kind,forgiving to a fault. And at the end of the day had the biggest heart of anybody I have ever known."

"She sounds great. What's her name?"

"It was...Shay."

"Was?"

"Um...she died three years ago. She was a paramedic."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too. It was a bad call...arson actually. She shouldn't been in there...if they stayed outside, maybe it wouldn't have happened. But it was pretty instant. A blow to the head."

"Kelly...I am so sorry." She says, and I look into her eyes. For just a moment, I felt this peace wash over us. Like none of this was happening. Suddenly the door opens, and her nurse appears.

"Anna...it's time for some radiation." She tells her.

"Okay." She tells her, never breaking the eye contact with me. "Kelly...you should rest. You have to heal yourself now, okay? Don't worry about any of this anymore. It's over. But I do want you to know how grateful I am for what you tried to do for me. I'll carry that with me."

As I walk out of her room, and back to mine...I can't help but think of what I could have done differently. I look up and see Dawson and Casey waiting for me. They try keeping the conversation light but can tell something is bothering me. When Dawson tells me about the medical reasons...or lack there of, of why they won't go through with the procedure I realize that maybe this isn't over after all. I'm a fighter. Always have been, always will be. I am not going down this easily. And I am certainly not going to let anybody else make my decisions for me. Liability is a poor excuse...I have the right to make the choice for my own health.

"Severide...you do understand what you're saying, right? I mean, you did hit your head pretty hard after that fall." Casey asks me, looking a little concerned.

"I know exactly what I'm saying. My cognitive ability has not been compromised. I will do everything in power to make sure Anna doesn't die. And if I don't, I know one thing is for sure...she will."

"Think about it, Kelly. This is a dangerous thing you're talking about." Dawson adds, acting as though I've lost my mind.

"I don't care."

"Well, what about your daughter? Are you willing to take away the only parent she does have?"

"Dawson, you're being little dramatic. I may be willing to subject myself to the pain of it...but I'm certainly not going to die. I'm going to save a life. And you can tell her that. You can tell her I will be home in no time. And when I do, I'm going to be a better father than I've ever been. I'm ready to make the commitment and change to be a real father to her."

"Kelly...you are her father." Casey assures me.

"I've never really acted like it. And I know that. I've let you guys and Hermann, Boden...raise her for too long. As soon as I get out of here, it's my responsibility once and for all. I owe it her...and I owe it to Shay."

"Wow...I've never heard you talk like that before. But I'm glad to hear it. And it really is a great thing you're trying to do here. Do whatever you need to. Lizzie is safe and sound with us for as long as you need." Dawson tell me.

"Thank you. I appreciate it more than I will ever be able to repay. Now, if you don't mind...I have some people to talk to. To push this procedure forward."

"Kelly, you better be sure about this?" Casey asks one last time.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Excuse me..." I say, as I walk out. Trying to remember if I know where Chief of the hospital's office is. This may be dangerous and painful...but it's my choice to make. And I need to give Anna the real chance she truly deserves, not matter what the cost.


	4. Acceptance

**Chapter 4: Acceptance**

 **Anna's POV**

Acceptance is the hardest of all human actions. We live this life, taking for granted the simple things. The moments that made us laugh...cry...be happy. For some of us we will live our entire life and never appreciate the true magic of any of it. And it's only when it's over that we realize it was an amazing life. And we're better for it. Even if it is cut a little bit short. If every day is lived with the grace, confidence, and happiness life has to offer...then there will be no regrets when those last few days come upon us. Life is a series of unbelievably rare days. For too many of them we wonder along going about the mundane part of our life. The days turn into weeks, that turn into months and years. Then we look back and it's as if every thing is a huge blur of events. Today I know it's almost over. I've realized that it doesn't matter if you are optimistic about the future or not. In the end it doesn't really matter. We can't control everything that happens to us. For me, I don't blame any one for my circumstances. It just is what it is. Do I wish I had more time? Are there still things left for me to do? Are there experiences I'll never have? Of course there are. I believe there is always something more to do on this planet. But for me, I feel like my 33 years were just not enough. I've made mistakes. I've been afraid to take chances. I've sheltered my heart. I've helped and cared for people that didn't deserve it. I've run scared from bigger and better opportunities. And today as I realize nothing more can be done for me...I wish I had taken every last chance. I wish I had put my career aside and fallen in love. And I don't mean just love somebody...I mean that once in a lifetime love. The one that makes your heart race in the most incredible, life altering way. I know I'll never get that chance now. I'll never have a family. And if there is one thing that I will regret when I take my last breath...it's that.

I've had a lot of ups and downs since I've been sick. I've had good days and a lot of bad ones. But I never gave up hope that I was going to come out the other side stronger and greater than I was before. I never once thought about my mortality...as if it wasn't even a possibility. But over the past few months, as my condition became more dire...I've realized sometimes you just lose. Being a nurse made me know more than I should about what was happening to me. I've watched my extremely young patients die from the disease...I've watch a lot live too. I don't think I ever thought I was special. That it wasn't going to happen to me. But in the back of my mind it was always there. Last week, if only for a moment, those words I've waited more than a year to hear finally happened. They found a match. A one hundred percent, no doubt match. And this sense of relief and thanks washed over me. And I knew the prep to receive it was going to brutal...but I was ready. More ready than I have ever been.

The second I met Kelly Severide, I felt like they were right...I got the perfect donor. He's an incredible human being. He saves people every day, never looking for anything in return. It's just who he is. And that passion he feels for the danger and risk of it all is what makes his blood flow. At first I could tell he was nervous, but that quickly faded and I felt like we were building this instant bond. One that was going to grow stronger once the procedure happened. As they prepped me, I could feel myself getting weaker. As if I was fading away a little bit at a time. And as much I wanted to keep fighting I was tired. It wasn't helping anything...I was getting worse. And there were these couple hours, I actually thought it was the end. The in and out of consciousness...the trouble breathing, nausea. It was consuming me.

Then, as per the advice of my doctors and family, I rested and kept a positive mind that all those feelings were gonna pass and I'd be okay. Within 24 hours, my counts did rise and they were able to continue my treatment. I felt like for a moment, everything was going to work out. But when I saw Clarke come in my room this morning, I knew something was wrong. And he is the absolute worst at playing it cool. As he told me about Kelly's accident, all I could think was if he was alright. I was relieved to hear he was going to be okay, but also that he suffered some severe injuries that would prevent him from being able to donate. As the news went from bad to worse, I knew in my heart that this was the end of the road. He was my last hope...there was nobody else out there. I was going to die. As hard as that is to admit to yourself, there is something so freeing. I've spent the past year and a half going through treatment after treatment. Hoping something would cure me. But it's just worn me down...and here I am today just realizing that the last thing in this world to have is true acceptance.

When I saw Kelly at my door, only hours after Clarke had told me he was in the ER, I was more than a little surprised. The pain in his eyes was fresh and genuine. He apologized for not being careful. But I know that a true firefighter never thinks about that danger, they just do the job. As I tried to reassure him that everything was working out the way it was supposed to, his emotions were getting the best of him. I could tell he had a huge amount of guilt over not being able to save me. It's pretty amazing the amount of dedication and selflessness he had in going through with this. As I grabbed his hand, I felt this connection that I will take with me. He did everything he could to help me. I will forever be grateful to him. While I looked into his eyes, feeling his pain along with my own, I just really did believe that everything was gonna be okay. That whatever comes next...it's what was meant to be. Yet, what happened next would change all of that. I came back from another treatment, trying to sleep for just a little while. Knowing that the weakness and exhaustion was only going to get worse. I see Clarke standing at my door and all I can think is...what now?

"Anna, can I come in?"

"Of course. What can I do for you?"

"I have some news."

"No offense, but I'm really not in the mood for any more bad news. I'm just done."

"Well, you better get back up because you're having the transplant."

"What are you talking about? You found another match?"

"Not exactly. Kelly...is going through with the procedure."

"What? I thought his injuries were too severe."

"They are...technically."

"Then how...?"

"He can't receive any anesthesia. But he's going to do it without any."

"Is he out of his mind? You can't let him do that. I know exactly what this procedure entails...without anesthesia it would be impossible to take."

"Well, Kelly Severide doesn't know that word." He tells me, pulling a chair closer to me. "Look, I have known Severide for a long time. He never walks away from a save. He is one of the strongest, most clear minded men I've ever know. I swear if you ever saw him in a burning building...the split second decisions he makes are absolutely unbelievable."

"How do you know all that?"

"I used serve under him..with him."

"You're a firefighter?"

"I was. Until I got hurt last year...ended my career. But the reason I'm telling you all this is I've known a lot of versions of Kelly Severide. He can be selfish, stubborn, arrogant beyond belief...but no matter what he risks everything, every time. But what he wants to do for you...it's more than I ever thought he was capable of."

"Then why is he doing this?"

"You'd have to ask him. But this is sort of why we try to steer donor, recipient interaction. He got to know you...he cares about you. I can see it in his eyes. He's not going stand by and watch you fade away. You matter to him...and for whatever the reason is it's a good thing for you."

"When he was here earlier..I could see the pain and disappointment in his eyes. But I never thought he'd subject himself to this kind of pain."

"I have a feeling the actual pain part is exactly what he's been aiming for."

"What do you mean?"

"He wants to make a change in his life. He's had a lot of ups and downs over the past few years. More than any one person deserves. He wants to find purpose in his life. Maybe..you're it."

"Clarke...you have to let me see him. I have to tell him he doesn't have to do this."

"Too late. He's already being prepped. I'm heading to do the procedure myself. I promise, everything is going to be fine. Just rest...you're going to need all the strength you can get to receive the transplant. I'll let you know when it's over."

"Okay. Tell Kelly...thank you."

"I will. I'll see you a little later, Anna." He says, walking out the door.

After he leaves, I let the tears run down my face. I'm really not sure why I'm crying. A little for myself...a little for Kelly. I honestly can't believe he is willing to do this, against all odds. The pain he's going to be in is more than I would ever be able to bear, I know that much. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay him for everything he has done for me. I'm still asking myself, but why? I know he told me he wants to start living a life without regrets. But this above and beyond what I thought he meant. I guess I just have be grateful and take all this one day at a time. Because the road is not over. There's a long way to go for me...but for the first time in a long time, I'm ready for it.


	5. This Moment

**Chapter 5: This Moment**

There is nothing that can describe the feeling you get from making a difference. Sometimes it's psychological, in thinking that you can change the life of somebody else. Sometimes, if you're really lucky, it becomes a reality better than you could have ever imagined. I've spent a long time wondering if what I've done has made a difference. I've been to thousands of accident scenes...fires, sometimes no matter what you do people die. I've tried so hard for so many years, not to let it get to me. I've tried to be strong and focused. Whatever happens, I did all I could. But at the end day, we're all human. On the job, we feel more intensely than anybody on the planet. Life and death is a natural part of what we do. But, what if I made one choice differently? What if I went left instead of right? What if I slowed down? What if I had more time? There have been a hundred times I've left a shift and had those thoughts running through my mind. No matter what, you can't change it. There's nothing left to do except move forward. Over the years, the people lost...the people saved start to blend together. You forget all their names and faces. Because each time you go out, another one takes their place. But once in a while, you're able to make a save...maybe the best you'll ever do and it changes everything. It changes your life. What I did today for Anna...is that moment for me.

Let me start by saying, I've never felt the need to fight as hard for anything as I did today. I guess it's true what they say, a donor should never meet their recipient. I spent just a few days getting to know her and I could not bear to watch her die. Especially since I knew I was the only one that could save her life. When I was told I'd be able to do this, with a lot of risks involved, I didn't hesitate. I needed to do this. Not just for her, but for me too. I've spent too long not doing the right thing. Maybe this all started out as me trying to find this purpose...something to make my life worthwhile. But it turned into something so much more. This wasn't about me and my selfish ways. This wasn't about me turning to my dark place, and wanting to fill up with as much pain as I could bear. This was about an amazing woman, with so much to offer the world, slowly slipping away. Her grace and acceptance of her circumstances is incredible. As I looked into her eyes, I could feel the pain start to hit me. I've never wished I'd taken care of myself, more than I did in that moment. The way she tried to make me feel better...I had to wonder why? I had to wonder what made her be okay with dying. Was it she was tired of fighting? Was it that there was no hope left? Was it that she really thought somebody else was calling the shots? Whatever the reason, I couldn't hold back my emotion. I needed a plan and quick. As if it was almost fate, Dawson spit out the true reason I was held back from donating. From there I knew there had to be a way. This was no one's decision but my own. The fight to get here was a hard one to say the least. You never realize how much a hospital will cover their own ass until it happens to you. Liability on their part I guess makes sense, but not when it comes to my life...or Anna's. Eventually, whatever it is that Clarke did, they allowed me to sign about a hundred papers to consent to the surgery. I didn't care what it was, I would sign a thousand times if it meant I could do this.

Now the general idea of them drilling into your hip to remove bone marrow may sound a bit daunting. That is with the anesthesia. Without it? Well, it was more painful than even I ever could have imagined. There was a few times throughout that I thought I would just pass out from the pain, which I figured might actually be a good thing. Just when I would think things are getting better, he would go further in. It was bad. I will admit that much. But all I had to look at was the bigger picture. Yes, I would probably be in pain for a while. But Anna would have the chance to never feel the pain and suffering again. That is all that has ever mattered through this whole process. And going through all this, has made my life have purpose. I know that from here, I will be the best man I know how. The best father I know how. At the end of the day, the clarity I finally have on my life, is all that will ever matter from here on out. The good thing after was that the pain medication they were able to give me, at least knocked me out for a while. When I did come to, the pain hit me fast and hard. It's very hard to describe the kind of pain it was. It almost paralyzes you. It hurts to even think about moving a single finger. Breathing was difficult at times. But I knew, especially after seeing Anna, that it was all for a greater good. The amount of gratitude and hope she suddenly had...made it all worth it. As I watched her being wheeled to surgery, there was this sense of relief and satisfaction. Everything that I did...good, bad, or otherwise led to this moment.

A few hours later, I actually started to feel human again. I started slowly sitting up and the pain was becoming more tolerable. It went from a stabbing, burning...to more uncomfortable than anything else. Which made me realize I was going in the right direction. When Clarke came in and said Anna had come out of surgery, I knew I needed to see her. Getting up was difficult, but I forced myself.

"Hey, can I come in?" I asked, knocking on her door.

"Yeah, of course you can. What are you doing up so soon?"

"Oh I can't just be laying around too long. It's not good for me."

"I'm not sure that's true."

"I'm fine, really. How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good so far. Not as worn down I don't think. Guess there's something in that bone marrow."

"I'm so happy to hear that."

"Kelly, were you out of your mind to do this? I mean, no anesthesia really? That was dangerous."

"I'm fine. And I told you I wanted to help. I wasn't going to stand by and watch you die."

"Why? I mean, you barely know me."

"I didn't know you when I agreed to do this either. I made a commitment to do this for you...I didn't want to let you down. And for whatever the reasons are...I care. And Because it's not who I am not to help if I can. It hurt a bit. But I will never regret what I did."

"You are an incredible man, Kelly Severide."

"Thank, Anna. But I haven't always been. I've done a lot things I regret in my life. I've made mistakes and bad choices."

"Haven't we all?"

"Maybe. But my life has spiraled a little out of control the past few years, especially."

"Why is that? Sorry if I'm over stepping."

"No, not at all." I say, pulling a chair over to the side of her bed. "I guess, from the minute Shay died nothing made sense anymore."

"Your best friend, right?"

"I got to tell you, I've never had a better friend in my whole life. She believed in me every day, even when I didn't deserve it. And trust me, there were a lot of times I didn't. And there have been a hundred since then that I know she'd be disappointed in."

"I'm sure that's not true. She sounds like she had a faith in you, you don't even have in yourself. And plus, you're a hero."

"Not really. I mean, maybe in my professional life it can seem like that sometimes. My job will always push me to my limits. At all cost I will make a save. But outside of that, that's a different story."

"Until now maybe. What you did for me...I will never forget that. And I don't care who you used to be. I don't care about the bad choices you've made. I care about who you are today."

"Really?"

"Of course."

"Thanks. Because I have really struggled to be the man I've wanted to be. The father I've wanted to be."

"Wait, you have child?"

"Oh, yeah I do...a daughter."

"What's her name?"

"It's Elizabeth."

"That's beautiful. So...are you married then?"

"No. She is actually Shay's."

"So, your best friend...was also your wife?"

"God, no. She was gay, actually. And she really wanted to have a baby. She asked for my help and after some soul searching, I agreed. But this was always supposed to be her baby. She was the one that wanted it so badly. Not that I didn't...because the second Lizzie was born everything was different. But Shay knew what she was doing. She was going to raise her and in some strange way we were going to be a family. Then, in one instant it was over. Lizzie was only three months old. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know anything about raising a baby. It was always Shay's thing...she was a natural."

"I'm so sorry, Kelly."

"Ever since I've struggled a lot. Thankfully I have a lot of really great people in my life. My entire firehouse family have pretty much raised her ever since. When I lost control, they have been there for her. You know, at first I had a hard time looking at her even. Over time, I've tried to get over it. But I've always kind of felt like I'm not enough. That I can be enough for her. But now, I just want to be better. To do everything I can to be the best father I can be. She deserves to have a least one parent."

"That's amazing. I'm sure you're an amazing father, you believe it or not. Where is she now?"

"My friend Matt and his wife are taking care of her. They are amazing...I know she's safe and happy when she's there."

"Do you have a picture of her?"

"You know, they actually just sent me a picture a little while ago. There she is."

"She's beautiful, Kelly. She has your eyes."

"Thank you. She's amazing, she is. I just haven't taken the time to appreciate all of it."

"I'm sure she knows how much you love her. And one day, she'll know everything you did for her mother. It will mean everything."

"Sorry for dumping all this on you. I don't even know why I did."

"I'm glad you did. We're connected now. And I'm happy to get to know you better."

"Yeah, me too." I say, looking into her incredible blue eyes. And at that moment, I feel this overwhelming feeling of happiness. This connection I feel to Anna is growing the more time I spend with her. And now that I told her a lot about my life, it may only get deeper from here. That scares me a little, but I don't know there's just something about her. I like spending time with her and I want to get to know her better. That's kind of exciting to me because of how comfortable I feel with her. Maybe she's right...we really are connected now.


	6. A Future

Chapter 6: A Future

 **Anna's POV**

I've spent a good portion of my life helping others. I always felt like it was in my blood from a young age. There was just something about making a difference that made my heart race in a good way. Once I started my clinical's when I was 22...I knew there was no other place for me than working with children. The innocence in their eyes is what makes me want to help them get better. Sometimes the reality doesn't even affect them because they're just kids. They just want to spend another day playing and laughing. If there is a way for me to help get them there, then it is all worth it. Unfortunately that doesn't always happen. But when it does...it's the greatest feeling in the world. So when the roles got reversed and I got sick...I felt completely lost. I didn't know how to let other people take care of me. That was always my job. And because it was always my job it made me know way too much. About my disease and how much could go wrong once I started treatment. But if there is anything I learned from everything I've been through...it's that another day is not always guaranteed. I started to lose hope to be honest. My treatment felt like it was leading me to the end of my limits. It wasn't working the way it should be and I knew that. I knew that if I didn't fine a bone marrow donor and soon...I'd die. As awful as that reality was, in some way I was really at peace with it all. It's a really horrible day, the day you realize your life might be over. All I could think about was the things I didn't do. The experiences I'd never get to have. But that's life sometimes. A series of moments that sometimes is just cut too short. A lot of times it's all just not fair. As if fate had somehow intervened...in walked Kelly Severide into my life.

The way he fought to help me was absolutely incredible. I've never had somebody care so much in my entire life. In some ways, I had a hard time understanding his reasons. To subject himself to so much pain for somebody he never met before...why? He explained the path his life was taking and the overwhelming need to make a change. Maybe this all really is fate after all. He needed to find a purpose in his life. I needed my life back. I don't know about any of it, but I feel like this connection runs deeper than I ever thought was possible. And that scares me a lot. Our fast friendship is being fueled by my illness. If this transplant truly works and puts me into remission, I'll be going home to Springfield sooner rather than later. While I am thrilled at the possibility of taking my life back..I'll admit it I will definitely miss Kelly in it. I've learned a lot about his man that saved my life. His own life is far from perfect. He has suffered a lot of loss and pain in his life. He's raising a daughter without a real clue of what he's doing. And that scares him more than anything. But I can tell, whether he believes it or not...he's a great father. The connection he feels to his late best friend through his daughter is amazing. I think what he did for her is one of the most remarkable things I've ever heard. He gave her a chance to have a family she otherwise never would have gotten a chance to experience. And even if it didn't last long...it happened. And whatever Kelly and Lizzie experience from here on out is what matters most.

"Hey, Anna." I turn and see Kelly standing at the door.

"Kelly, hi."

"How are you feeling?"

"Great actually. The best I have in a really long time."

"That's great."

"It's all thanks to you. You've given me my life back, Kelly."

"You know, in some weird way you've give me mine too. I'm so happy you're doing so well."

"What about you? How are feeling?"

"Good. I mean, I'll admit I'm still really sore. It hurt a little more than I thought."

"Well, yeah the whole drilling into your hip thing is pretty bad. And you agreeing to do it all without anesthesia...well you're insane."

"That's how you talk to the man that saved your life?"

"Yes. I will always be grateful to you and be in complete awe of how you could do this. But I don't even know how you tolerated it."

"I'm a lot stronger than I look."

"Yeah, sure whatever you say. Did you go back to work already?"

"No. In a couple days. I had a lot of time so I figured now was as good a time as any to milk it out a little."

"Yeah. Sometimes you just need the break."

"Definitely. I was a little burnt out as it was. This...is exactly what I needed. And plus, it's given me a little time to spend with Lizzie too."

"That's great. How is she doing?"

"Good. Just sort of adjusting to me being around more. You know, less time with Casey and Dawson. Not a huge fan of that."

"I'm sure that's not true. She's your daughter, Kelly. She loves you."

"Some days I wonder." He says, looking into my eyes. Then something comes over his mind and his thoughts seem to wonder a little. "You know what, give me a minute. I'll be right back."

"Okay. I'm not going anywhere anyways."

Being around Kelly has made me laugh again and it feels good. There was a while there where I really let this cancer take over my life. It consumed all of me. Sometimes I feel like I've known him all my life. How comfortable we've become with each other...it's a really good thing. I just wonder how things will be once I go back home. Any day now they're going to discharge me and we're both gonna go back to our own lives. Now that my connection to him is so strong, I wonder if I can. I know I wasn't ever supposed to...but I can feel myself falling for Kelly. It's not supposed to be like this but I can't help it. We've been pretty inseparable since the transplant. He comes to see me every day and we spend hours together just talking and laughing. So much so, that there are some days that I forget what's really happening. I forget just for a little while, that I am still sick. That that is the whole reason we are here together now. Although, I'm pretty much out of the woods now...I'm still holding my breath. I guess I'm just scared that they're going to walk in here one day and say it didn't work. That I'm not getting better and I'm not going to make it. Even though I can feel it working and I'm getting stronger every single day...that fear I think will always exist in me. That's why for right now, I'm just taking it all day by day and embracing whatever comes next.

"Hey." I hear Kelly's voice say, taking me out of my thoughts. "I wanted you to meet somebody."

"Sure." I say turning to face him and come face to face with him and a beautiful blue eyed little girl.

"Anna, this is Elizabeth. Lizzie this is my friend, Anna."

"Wow, it's so nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot you. And you are even prettier than your dad said you were."

"Thanks. Are you sick?" The little girl asks, looking around at the room.

"Well...yes I was. But your dad saved my life."

"Really?"

"Yes. He helped me out and I am feeling much better now."

"Wow."

"Yup. Your daddy is a hero."

"Were you in a fire? My dad saves people in fires all the time."

"I know, he does. Firefighters are always heroes, right? But not this time. He just knew I needed help and decided to come to my rescue."

"That's good. I like your necklace." She says, pointing to my neck and climbing up onto the bed next to me.

"Thank you. It was a gift from my mom."

"I don't have a mommy." the little girl says, breaking my heart just a little. And I can see the pain wash over in Kelly's eyes.

"Yeah, I know. But you know what? Sometimes family comes in all different shapes and sizes. Some people just have a mommy. Some people just have a daddy. And if you're really lucky...you have so many people that love you. I have a feeling that's exactly what you have. I bet there are just a load of people lining up to give you an amazing family...one just your own."

"Yup. She has her uncle Matt and aunt Gabby. Chief Boden and Donna. Uncle Hermann and Cindy...and all their kids. Cruz and Otis...Sylvie and Mouch. They all love her so much. Isn't that right, Lizzie?" Kelly chimes in as she nods and has this huge smile come across her face.

"Wow. Now that is a lot of love for one little girl to have."

"Will you be my friend too?"

"I would love that, Lizzie. I think we can all be the best of friends."

"Yeah, I like that idea. We're all connected here. Maybe there was a reason for that." Kelly says, as Lizzie wraps her little hands around my neck pulling me into a hug.

Meeting this little girl has opened my eyes even further into my feelings for Kelly. To see the kind of family he has created is pretty incredible. I would love the idea of getting to be a part of it all. I know that soon life might start to change. I'm going to go home and start my life back up. They're going to be here in Chicago. And more and more I am finding reasons to stay close. That might sound crazy, but in some weird way...it feels right. Right now I guess only time will tell. But whatever the future holds, I'm ready for it. Because for the first time in a long time...I realize that I might actually have one.


	7. Stay

**Chapter 7: Stay**

It's pretty incredible the way my entire life has turned around lately. I don't know if it was nearly going to jail or helping Anna...but whatever the reason, I feel like this new person. I feel like my mind and heart have opened to new things and a better future for the first time since I lost Shay. I accepted that I'm never going to get over losing her, but I've definitely gotten used to it. Every time I see our daughter, I see Shay. That's never going to change. And I swear she acts and looks like her more and more every single day. In a lot of ways that makes me so happy. That makes me feel like I'm never really going to lose her completely...she's not really gone. I can watch Lizzie grow and have her mother be a part of her forever. Yet, I think seeing and knowing that makes it even harder to move forward. Yet, lately I've really been finding this newfound strength in myself I never knew existed. I think I really needed this wake up call. I needed to take responsibility for my daughter. I needed to get my life on track, so she can have at least one parent to rely on. And I needed to somehow find a life worth living again. As some crazy twist of fate would have it, donating to Anna was just that. She's been this incredible light added to my life. She's exactly what I never knew I needed. I've come to rely on her in my life in the short amount of time I've known her. I'm starting to wonder whether that's a good thing or not. Because thankfully she is finally getting better. The downfall...she's going to be leaving soon, like within the next few days. A part of me really wishes I could give her a reason to stay. I don't think I've ever felt as comfortable with anybody as I do with her. I've fallen for her harder than I ever thought was possible, and that scares me a lot. It's the thing I've always been scared to experience, because losing yet another person from my life is not what I need right now. But like it or not,it happened.

To finally find this person that I feel such a connection to is the best feeling in the entire world. I can't stop smiling or laughing when she's around. I can't remember if I've ever felt this way about anybody before. And that's saying a lot since I was engaged and even briefly married once. But I don't even think in combination, the Renee's could ever come close to comparing to Anna. She has let me into her life and I know in my heart that I'm better for it. She's amazing with Lizzie too. I've never really liked the idea of people going in and out of her life. I know that since she's been born there have been very few people I would have even considered bringing into her life. I always hated that when I was a kid. My dad had a different girlfriend or wife every other week and I always thought he was so selfish for bringing them all into my life. So I promised myself I'd never do that to my own children, and I haven't. Now, I'm not sure it counts or not because Anna and I are really only friends right now, but it still feels unfair that she's grown somewhat attached to her in only the past few weeks she's known her. And now I know that she's gearing up to leave and I get it, I do. She has her own life to get back to...one she's barely known she's been sick so long. I guess I just really wish her life could include me in it.

"Hey, come on let's go for a ride." I tell my guys and head towards our truck.

"Where are you headed?" Casey asks, coming up behind me.

"Just have something I need to do. No worries, radios are on."

"You're going to see, Anna?" He asks and I don't answer. "Look, man isn't she leaving soon? Maybe it's time to just let her. Don't get me wrong, I think what you did for her is the most incredible thing in the world. But don't let this hero high go to your head."

"I'm not. I care about her. Maybe more than I've ever cared about anybody. And I don't get it, Casey...you found your person, why don't I have the right to try to do the same?"

"Who are you and what did you do with Kelly Severide? Since when did you turn into some romantic?"

"Very funny."

"So what, you think the two of you are like soulmates?"

"I don't know. I don't even know if I believe in that. My point is I want the chance to figure that out. We are a perfect match...maybe there's more to it than just bone marrow."

"Maybe there is. I just...be careful, Kelly. You tend to leap before you look and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Thanks for the concern, Casey. But I think I can take care of myself."

"Sometimes I'm not so sure. And besides it's not just about you. Lizzie is getting attached to her, I know you see it happening. In a lot of ways that's great. Anna's amazing with her...I just don't want her to be devastated when she goes back home."

"I know. I've been thinking about that a lot. I've never brought anybody into her life. For a million different reasons. But I think the main thing has been that I don't want her to feel like her mother is being replaced."

"Hey, that's never going to happen. But the truth is she'll never really know Shay. She may not understand it for a long time who she really was. She only knows that she's not here."

"I know. And look, I don't know what's going to happen with me and Anna...but lately I've realized how much Lizzie really does deserve to have a mom. Maybe one day she can experience that. I want her to know that Shay is her mother and she is watching over her every single day. But I think the more she grows, the more she's going to need a woman to help her through. As much as I try...I can't be Shay."

"I know. But I think you really are turning things around and that's amazing."

"Anna has taught me a lot about life. Tomorrow is not a guarantee, sometimes bad things happen and you can't stop it. I want to live like there's no tomorrow. And I think I really want to see what could happen between us."

"I get it. You're right...go for it, Severide. You deserve to happy more than anybody."

"Thank you. I appreciate the concern and all, even if I don't always say it."

"I know." He says, and I climb into squad.

I walked into the hospital today, knowing this may be one of the last times I come here to see her. I started down to her room with this sense of determination. Like maybe if I said the right thing, I could convince her to stay. Because as much as we've tried to scoot around the issue, we both feel something here. It's not just in my imagination, I know that much. If only we had more time to get to know each other better, maybe this new feel on life I've finally gotten can start a new life for both of us. If only I could find the right thing to say.

"Hey, I thought I wasn't gonna see you till after your shift."

"I know."

"What, were you afraid I was gonna leave without saying goodbye or something?"

"No."

"What's going on?"

"Don't go back to Springfield."

"Why not?"

"Come on you feel it too. There's something here." I tell her and I see it in her eyes that she can't deny it. "Stay in town a while. There's great doctors here, I'm here...let's figure it out."

"You know you've only known me as like this sick girl lying in a hospital bed. That's not me...this is me." She tells me, pointing to a framed picture of her rock climbing.

"I know, that's who I always saw there. Look, this isn't all about me either."

"What do you mean?"

"My daughter has grown a tad attached to you, you know?"

"Yeah, I have too."

"Since Shay died, I've never brought anybody in Elizabeth's life. Nobody that wasn't going to be there. Friends or otherwise. I never wanted her to rely on somebody to be there...and then have them disappear. Because I know how that feels. My dad did that to me constantly growing up and it sucked. And I get it, this is all on me. Maybe I shouldn't have brought her here. But I did and now I can't get her to stop talking about you. And she refused to let me take her hair out of that braid you did for her last night."

"I like spending time with her too. She's an incredible kid, Kelly."

"Look, I know you have a life to get back to. But you can't deny there's a connection here."

"It's probably a little more than that."

"See...just give me a chance." I tell her and she looks like she might give in.

"Squad 3, can you take in a medical assist at 2175 west 18th street?" I hear come over my radio, interrupting the moment.

"Copy that main." I reluctantly say, not really wanting to leave right this minute.

"They're gonna discharge me at 10am."

"I'll be here." I tell her and then decide that it's now or never. There's obviously not going to be too many chances left to take, so why wait. I impulsively pull her into a kiss and am really happy when she doesn't pull way. "Just think about it, Anna." I tell her, looking into her eyes a moment longer before waling out the door to go back to work.

I don't know if it was enough to convince her to stay. She has a job and people to get back to. And I wish more than anything that Springfield wasn't as far as it is. Because for the first time, maybe ever, I want to take this chance. I want to possibly start something real and genuine. I've never let myself ever do that and that's where this severe fear creeps up on me. But my daughter deserves a real future and that includes me putting my best foot forward and building a life for us. Maybe in the end it will just be the two of us against the world. If I lose Anna...I guess I'll figure out a way to move on because no matter what I will always have my daughter. And while I'm scared of what is next, knowing that is the greatest feeling in world. Children really do change your entire world. For the first time, I think I finally understand what Shay meant by it. She wanted somebody to love her unconditionally and rely on her forever. That can be a lot to handle, but I finally think it's most incredible thing to happen to anybody.


End file.
